Wednesday, April 18, 2012


As told by her father Derek Hoare

Part Three of Fifteen
DAYS 94,95,96 – September 17-19, 2011

Sept 17........... Day 94
Aime and Ayn playing yrs ago
"It's hard to stay aware of the bubble I find myself in, always reading these documents, white papers and transcripts. I try to follow cases everywhere yet focus on BC and the CFCSA. The legislation across the western world seems to be crafted very similarly, as if each modelled off the same template. Quite foreboding reading, it does however tend to distort ones perception of the present. ...Hence I have to be ever aware of all elements of policy transformation. Simultaneously I have two boys to care for, a household to manage, therapy to structure and memories of a little girl suffusing my every thought. Every minute becomes very precious and prioritized, there is simply not enough time in the day to accomplish everything I would like to."
"Spent quite a bit of time talking to Amie last night, we discussed the visitation, something we strongly disagree on. Amie and I are both very thoughtful and stubborn people, but easily find union on one very important matter.... our love for our kids. We do not question one another’s motives. This decision of mine has been an incredibly difficult one and quite controversial, I will endeavour in the coming days to justify my actions in a doc, as many have questioned my rationale. This whole nightmare seems to get more surreal as the days pass. If anyone has a question they would like me to address here feel free to PM me or email me at: , let me know if you would like your name included with the question, or if you would just like to hear the answer.

Sept 18............Day 95
Was a very busy day today, Lyric finally starts school tomorrow and wanted to make sure everything was ready. Wyatt also has been working with his microscope a lot and he needed help preparing slides. Got to spend some time talking with an old friend too, he was able to help me keep things in perspective and redirect my energies.

Ayn never drifts far from the forefront of my mind though... it's like an ever present void, not the existence of something but the lack thereof. This house once teemed with her sounds: blaring cartoons, music, singing and laughter... filled now with eerie quiet. So much of what we did as a family centered around Ayn, she was very often the navigator of this ship.

Lyric is always so happy go lucky and Wyatt is considerate so Ayn often selected our activities. She loved to bake, chocolate chip cookies or pink cake, she knows every ingredient and measurement we need. But definitely her favourite thing was to listen to music and write, such a creative little girl... now dulled and sedated.

Really makes you wonder how such treatment could be considered to be in her best interest... within hours of removal without ever having spoken to me or anyone else who knew her. Where is the logic... where is the reason... where is the empathy?

Sept 19...........Day 96
Was Lyric's first day of school today, he has to catch the bus a 10 min walk away at 7:30, so he's about to become quite the early riser. The day went very well, the building is very big compared to any of his previous schools, this is a middle school grades 6, 7, 8. Lyric was very awestruck to the point of excitement, wanted to explore everything and settled right into the class/ resource room as if it were his own.

The teacher seems really good, perhaps too good, was an athletic man and the room is staffed by 6 TA's, these people are more experienced with someone of Lyric's size. There are several other autistic children as well as some adorable down syndrome kids, we all went for a walk to the local park and played on the equipment there.

Was a good day, funny too because there happened to be an assembly that morning, Lyric stood in the main foyer on a stage, and flapped happily away at all the kids as they meandered past on their way to assembly. I am sure he made quite the impression... the world is such a joyous place for Lou (Lyric's nickname).

Wyatt is still plugging away with his microscope, making observations and sketches on just about anything magnifiable.

I have been struggling with pressure exerted from all sides on my decision not to see Ayn, not that I'm wavering just wish my reasoning was better understood. Will write something up for everyone soon."

Many thanks to Jean Nicol for this Collection of Derek's entries from Ayn's Facebook page 
Also downloadable in its entirety at this SendSpace site

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