IF I DID IT OVER AGAIN / Part 340 / For Love and For Justice / Zabeth and Paul Bayne

I can look back across a lifetime, 45 years ago when I was a young man in my early twenties and working at a shoe store in between college terms. Two women came into the store with two or three children. One of the women was there to buy shoes for a child. As she spoke with me, one of the small children, perhaps three years of age was jumping across the padded seats and unfortunately came into her wheelhouse. She had told him to stop but he didn't so she let him have it with the back of her forearm. She caught him fully on his chest and sent him flying through the air to the other side of the aisle, perhaps six feet. I recall it with amazement still. I was horrified by the mother's action and anger. It was instantly clear that this public display would not have been the first time this child was struck by his mother. It likely would not be the last  - because I did not act.

I said nothing and did nothing with regard to that incident. I was certainly unaware of any responsibility on my part to notify authorities. Such reporting was certainly uncommon then. After all, school teachers still practiced corporal punishment in 1962. Believe me, I know because I got it - the strap that is. A sixteen inch long, three inch wide and quarter inch thick strand of leather. As a seven year old in grade three in 1949, I received three strokes on each open palm for having stepped out of formation to playfully wrestle with another boy on the way home from school during lunch break. A few years later I was twelve years old when I was strapped by the male principal for throwing a stone at a girl and striking her on her ankle. Throwing the stone was wrong. Corporal punishment administered by a six foot two inch adult whacking a child's hands was wrong as well. It was my practice to deliver newspapers after school but that was interrupted for one week because I could not open my swollen hands and in fact didn't attend school for a couple of days. My mom and dad were merciful enough to permit me to remain at home but they did not contest the principal's action. He was a professional after all. He was a principal of a school. You did not stick your nose where it did not belong, was a general rule.

And saying anything to this mother in the shoe store or telling someone else about her so there would be repercussions was something you didn't even consider doing. People didn't involve themselves in other people's domestic affairs.

That autobiographical peek is simply to say, that if I were a young man today working in a retail store and confronted by a similar situation with a mother as obviously out of control with what is appropriate discipline or out of control of her emotions, I would not hesitate to notify authorities. That's right.. There is a keener consciousness today to protect children, and my high respect for parental rights would not supercede my feeling of obligation to do the right thing for that defenseless child. He may be a brat but he does not deserve to be belted across the room. He may be a brat because his mother is a brat.

“A common feature of child protection legislation is to require everybody in the Province to report any child needing protection. Typically, the legislation will protect the identity and civil liability of the disclosing party but otherwise makes it an offence to not report. It is one of those rare areas where Good Samaritanism is mandatory.” (from the Duhaime online legal dictionary) http://www.duhaime.org/LegalResources/FamilyLaw/LawArticle-125/Child-Protection-Law-in-Canada.aspx

Now you may be very disappointed with me at this point today, but I ask. What would stop a woman from regularly resorting to excessive force to discipline her child? A remonstrance from a store clerk would be mute. Apprehension of her child would be a wake up call. Do I think that apprehension is an excessive first measure? YES! Do I think it is reasonable to remove the child for the child's own safety? YES! That is double speak for “do you see how delicate this area can sometimes become?” On one hand, the child protection agency could approach the parent with an ultimatum that requires attendance at parenting class or an anger management class while leaving the child in the care of the parent. On the other hand, during the time that the parent is indignantly attending the class, in an uncontrolled moment he or she may club the child with a broom handle and fracture the child's hand.

Do any of you who are vehemently opposed to all things MCFD, see the complexity and delicacy of these life shaping questions? Do you detect a lot of greys in our humanity rather than merely blacks and whites? And of course can you see how the readiness of MCFD to remove children and then to KEEP them TOO long makes all good people reluctant to report. This Ministry is going to have to get it right, very SOON.

Advocating for the return of Paul's and Zabeth's three children, in MCFD care since October 2007.