THE HEAVY HUMAN BURDEN OF THIS STAGE IN THE BAYNE SAGA / 528

Diagonal Confusion - K. Madison Moore

On visitation days at the Bayne home, the supervisor brings the children by van. Upon arrival the children run to up the steps to the front door calling “mommy, mommy.” At the end of the hours of family visitation, they are still asking the ordeal long question, “Do we have to go?” Then they put on their coats and move out the door and into the van for their fosterhome trip. Are these children confused? Possibly. Probably.

Understandably. The boys have been in foster care for more than half of their young lives. Do they consider the foster home to be ‘home?’ They must certainly see their female foster caregiver as a mother figure. Are they able to distinguish the difference between foster mom and bio mom? Do they have the same attachment to each of these mother figures? Asking the question is guaranteed to hurt the bio mom. This is not a contest by the way. One woman administers care as a custodial employee and is expected simultaneously to provide affection yet maintain objective detachment. That’s a tall expectation. The other woman cares from an innate, natal connection with possessive love which she has been forced to contain in order to present a civil self-image. That too is a great expectation, decidedly more difficult than the other, because the children for whom she longs, can be with her only hours per week.